I Can't Breathe

George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Aubrey, Tamir Rice, Oscar Grant, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Mike Brown, Philando Castille, Walter Scott, Samuel Dubose, Emmet Till, and every black person who has ever felt the effects of racism.

I have never been detained by police or arrested, but my heart stops anytime I see blue lights in my rear view mirror or if a cop car is near. I have never been stopped and not given an explanation as to why I am being stopped, but I always fear that the day will come when my seemingly calm exterior will only be met with an aggression that I cannot trace to a root in the current situation. I have never been chased by cops but I still have a fear of having them behind me when I'm out at events or walking down the street. I have been in many of the situations that have cost black and brown people their lives for no reason. I run through my parents middle class suburban neighborhood, I have walked home from the corner store in my sweats, I have sat in my church at night for a ministry meeting, I have sat in my home relaxing and watching Netflix. I have attended protest and neighborhood events and I have bought CDs from local artists promoting themselves on the streets, and kids selling lemonade in front of their homes. Yet I live in fear that one day these actions will cost me or someone else who looks like me, their life. The thought of that catches my heart in my throat, causes my pulse to quicken and my lungs to feel like they can't get enough air. In short, I can't breathe.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

This is an alarming saying and an even more alarming feeling. Basic human instinct is that you need air to breathe. Lack of air triggers your flight or fight response and if you can't get air in time you suffocate and die. If you ever experienced this feeling its scary and it hurts, and its nothing you want to happen to you again. So when did it become acceptable for black people to experience this, countless times at the hands of those meant to protect and serve?

Let me repeat: When did it become acceptable for black people to experience this at the hands of those meant to protect and serve?

IT IS NOT.

Today is Juneteenth. The day many black Americans celebrate as the official end of slavery. See even though the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in January of 1863, slaves didn't actually hear about it until June 19, 1865 ( Juneteenth). I wonder if my ancestors felt as though they could finally breathe that day. As if things were going to drastically change and they would be receiving their 4 acres and mule the next day and be free to build on their own land and be ale to educate their kids and open businesses and be considered a true American citizen. I wonder if they realized that over 150 years later, that their descendants would still be fighting the same fight at is core, the freedom of black America. Freedom from a system that never included us, freedom from police brutality, and white supremacy, freedom to just live and be black?

I am tired. I am exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. Every black person I know is. What is happening in the world is not new to us. Our ancestors spent years resisting and running, only to have their children experience the same trauma for 400 years. and when we finally believe in the change the government of America has promised, we still had to fight for the right to have certain jobs, be educated, vote etc. And because there was and still is an underlying and powerful narrative that black people are somehow less because of the color of our skin. We were given separate but never equal we had to build our own, only to watch it burn at the hands of those who believed we shouldn't have it. Our ancestors resisted and ran, our great grandparents, grandparents, and parents have protested, and now we are on the front lines.

These protests have shown America and the world that we are tired and done. We matter. Our lives our sons, our daughters, our futures matter. As I am writing this I reflect on my friends and family; my younger siblings, 20, 14, 12, and 5. Will I lose one of them to police brutality? When will my parents be granted one less fear that they may lose them at the hands of those meant to protect and serve? Why is this concept so hard for many in America to understand? We call our country the greatest country in the world, but what is so great about a country who captured others, force them to build this country on their own backs, blood, sweat and tears, only to never view them as worth anything? Where is the greatness in that? Where is America, the land of the fear and home of the brave, when those meant to be some of the bravest of us, are so afraid of unarmed civilians due to the color of their skin, that they justify killing us in cold blood?

This is not meant to be a rant, but a wake up call. A call to action. We are in need of radical change in our society. we need to dismantle the system of oppression that was never meant to serve black people or allow them to succeed. this is not for debate. The truth has been recorded and streamed live and now is the time for change. we are in the streets for change we are fighting for change. Black people cannot do it alone. We need those in power to hear our cries. We need our brother and sisters of color to stand up with us. We need our white friends to join ranks and stand with us through it all help up us push forward. Everyone needs to support their black neighbors and friends, support black owned businesses, educate yourself on black history, and check your privilege, as it comes in many different ways (colorism, socioeconomic status, skills, etc). This wont be easy or mean everything will change tomorrow but I do believe this can be the start. Black people need a seat at the table our ancestors built, and if a seat will not be given, we need all to join in and help us build a new one. Helps us create the change, help us lift the weight off of our shoulders.

We all need to breathe.