PEACE IS A PLACE

So I recently moved, and am officially living by myself! Now this is the first me in the 27 years of my life. I’ve lived with my parents and in dorms with roommates, and my most recent situation, I was living with my boyfriend, So to have a place that is completely 100% my own is a new adventure. While living with my boyfriends, things didn’t really work out for us. So he moved out which left me with a gorgeous two bedroom apartment all to myself! However, the problem was that even though he was no longer there, the memories were, so I never really felt like I was by myself. See having his memories around in the apartment, kind of made it hard for me. Sometimes it would feel suffocating and frustrating. Sometimes I just didn’t wanna go home it was painful and lonely. I changed a few things to try to give myself some peace, but it was still hard.

I hear people say all the time, ” it’s important for you to live by yourself at some point in your life protection it’s important for you to live by yourself before you live with someone you’re romantically involved with “, I didn’t realize how true that was until these past couple weeks. When the lease for the two bedroom was up, I decided to start fresh, got a nice a studio apartment to myself, close to downtown and a great view of the lake and the city. My first night consisted of me, my parents, and baby brother all passed out all over my apartment. At one point I woke up in fear and confused but was able to relax when I looked around and saw my family. Honestly at first living here was stressful. I felt more alone than I ever had. There was anxiety about sleeping and coming home to nothing and no one. Luckily I was working long days to finish up a project so I was really only coming home to sleep. My first full day in the apartment was my third Saturday living there. I woke up to a sudden realization that I had nothing to do that day. Most of my friends were out of town and the budget was telling me to stay put. So I laid in bed for about 30 mins, paralyzed in fear and on the verge of a small panic attack. Then it hit me. I was alone. Not in a bad way, but in my own space. I could do ANYTHING. I was on my own in my own. Let me tell you I had the BEST SATURDAY EVER!!! Quick recount, I got up made lemon pepper and cheese eggs, had rosé with my eggs, sat in my pajamas on my couch, watched shameless, read “You are a Bad Ass at Making Money”, had a dance party to Beyonce’s homecoming able (obviously I was Beyonce, the dancers, and the band), drank more rose, played in my make-up, took a nap (face was still beat and I did not mess it up), ordered food, and set in silence with my thoughts before working on my blog and playing Sims. It was AH-MAZ-ING!! This may seem like a crazy hodgepodge of things to do, but it’s also things I have never just been able to do so freely. Just me chilling, talking to God and the paintings on the wall. Playing R&B in the morning and 2000’s playlist at night!

And here is the best part. Being alone gave me a space to think, focus, and reflect. There is a major sense of peace being in a space that is yours, that is your dominion that you set the rules and regulations for. A peace I have never known. No one to think about, rules to obey or roommates to respect. Just me. I have sat on my couch and analyzed my life, my decisions, the current path I am on. I have become my own motivation and more self aware than I can ever recall. I have gotten clarity in a space where I can control the distractions and influence. I have been forced to confront my insecurities and fears in this space, required to find my own solutions to issues I had never even had the time to decipher. I’m not saying this will be the outcome for everyone who lives on their own but it has been for me. Things I have stressed over in my life are easier to fix when there are no distractions. There’s clarity in situations I have agonized over for years. I have created my place of peace and clarity. My own oasis that smells of lavender and nobody complains about it. When I go to the ocean and sit and watch the waves I get the same feeling, now to have created a space at home that gives me a place to run with my thoughts, and calm my anxiety. I have no idea if anyone else with a place of their own feels like this but its been beautiful. Even decorating my place by myself has given to that sense of peace, adding in my favorite pictures and colors, having a beach accents in my bathroom. (I have shared a few pictures of my place for you all.) I hope you all can relate to finding a place pf peace and I hope that place is your home.